The Sound of One Hand Clapping

When I first struck it out on my own I could not tolerate silence. I had something going on the ipod all the time. I listened to all of War and Peace in about a month. Unabridged. At first even music wasn't good enough, I had to have a human voice talking to me, even in the 30 seconds before I fell asleep after work. I listened to books on tape and podcasts. I was taking the ipod to bed with earbuds, then transfering to speakers for around the house, and then into the car. I called and emailed everyone I ever knew. Gradually I started to listen to music too. I kept something on even when I was in the shower. I created playlists that would would inspire me, and buried the songs that made me drippy or nostalgic deep, deep in the ipod.

This weekend I realized that I was having trouble keeping up with this week's new podcasts. Then I realized I was listening less because I was tolerating silence. I have even been able to get into bed and fall asleep without books on tape or music. The hot water bottle is there to stay as long as this weather holds though.

I also used to keep something on all the time so that I would not mentally scrutinize all of the street traffic sounds. I am now no longer listening all the time for someone to come home.